Im at strip club and am horny
two words...techno handjob
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
