bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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