Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
