does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
