I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize