I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
