i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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