it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
