taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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