I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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