His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They have beer where we have blood.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
