If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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