I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His hands were made for my vagina.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
