My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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