I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
