Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
