Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You may now shotgun with the bride
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
