Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
