you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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