He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
