No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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