??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
