Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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