I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
