The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
