Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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