I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
