i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
