i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
