I can tuck mytits in my pants
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
