smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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