Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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