I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
