dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
