My room smells like vodka and shame
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
