What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
