Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
