I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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