Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
