i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
