They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
