Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
