I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
