I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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