just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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