dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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