She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
