in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
