The maid of honor just puked.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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