my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
