The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
